Help For Dealing With An Aging Parents Depression
Depression in the elderly is not simply incidental. Depression at any age is a serious psychological disorder that requires early and comprehensive care to reverse an individuals suffering and to prevent further mental and emotional decline. While its very normal to feel sadness and even despair when enduring certain situations, such as the loss of a loved onewhen these low emotions persist, it could be the result of a serious underlying problem.
If your parent experiences a fairly constant low mood for two weeks or more, they may be suffering from major depression. And it is unlikely that their condition will resolve with time alone. In fact, its more likely that their condition will get even worse. In addition to their overall distress, they may be at risk of self-harm, suicide, substance abuse, more serious isolation, physical decline, and a deteriorating lifestyle.
The best course of care and recovery for seniors addresses more than just their depressive symptoms. A comprehensive treatment program also takes into account the stressors and challenges they face. Clinicians can design a treatment plan that incorporates:
Bridges to Recovery offers comprehensive residential treatment for people struggling with mental health disorders as well as process addictions. Contact us to learn more about our renowned Los Angeles programs and how we can help you or your loved one start the journey toward healing.
Let Yourself Fully Experience The Loss
People react to grief in different ways, but its important to let yourself feel all of your feelings.
Theres no single right way to grieve, no set amount of time after which you can automatically expect to feel better, no stages or steps to check off a list. This in itself can be difficult to accept.
Denying your feelings may seem like a route toward faster healing. You might also get the message that others expect you to bury your grief and move on before youve come to terms with your loss.
Remind yourself grief is a difficult process as well as a painful one. Try to not let the opinions of others sway you.
Some people work through grief in a short time and move forward with the remnants of their sadness safely tucked away. Others need more time and support, no matter how expected the death was.
If your parent passed after a long illness, you may have had more time to prepare, but no amount of preparation makes your grief any less significant when it hits. You might still feel stunned and disbelieving, especially if you held out hope for their recovery to the very end.
The unexpected death of a parent still in middle age, on the other hand, may force you to confront your own mortality, a battle that can also complicate grief.
As you navigate the days, weeks and months following the loss of a parent, you may experience a variety of emotions and feelings. These may also change over time.
Grief often has a significant impact on daily life:
Keep these tips in mind:
Why Is This Important
Lets say your child requires medication, but doesnt like taking the medication. When they dont take it, they are impossible to live with.
It can take a degree of inner strength and detachment to tell the adult child, If you dont go along with treatment and take your medication, you cannot stay in our home. If your boundaries are poor, it will be too hard for you to do this.
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Is My Teen Depressed
While occasional bad moods or acting out is to be expected during the teenage years, depression is something different. The negative effects of teenage depression go far beyond a melancholy mood. Depression can destroy the essence of your teen’s personality, causing an overwhelming sense of sadness, despair, or anger.
Many rebellious and unhealthy behaviors or attitudes in teenagers can be indications of depression. The following are some the ways in which teens act out in an attempt to cope with their emotional pain:
Persistent negative mood. Frequent crying due to an overwhelming sense of hopelessness is a common sign of depression. However, teens with depression may not necessarily appear sad. Instead, irritability, anger, and agitation may be the most prominent symptoms.
Problems at school. Depression can cause low energy and concentration difficulties. At school, this may lead to poor attendance, a drop in grades, or frustration with schoolwork in a formerly good student.
Loss of interest in activities. Outside of school, you might notice that your teen shows less enthusiasm for their favorite hobbies. They may quit a sports team or hobby, for example, or withdraw from family and friends.
Running away. Many depressed teens run away from home or talk about running away. Such attempts are usually a cry for help.
Drug and alcohol abuse.Teens may use alcohol or drugs in an attempt to self-medicate their depression. Unfortunately, substance abuse only makes things worse.
This Is One Of The Most Difficult Things You Can Experience But Know That Youre Not Alone
The isolation that a depressed person feels is one of the hardest things to cope with. When you acknowledge their pain and remind Mom or Dad that theyre not alone, youre letting them know that theyre being seen and heard. This isnt easy and there are no quick solutions. But you can let them know that you are truly there for them. Knowing this might help your parent remember their own value and worth.
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What Are The Symptoms That Parents Should Watch Out For
Symptoms of depression vary from child to child, so here are some behaviors parents can keep an eye out for, which may hint that your child is depressed or in need of mental health care.
- The child seems very irritable keep in mind depression in young kids can look more irritable than sad or down.
- The child is spending a lot of time in their room and does not want to interact with family or friends
- The child has a significant decrease in energy level and is spending more time in bed/sleeping than usual
- The child is very sensitive and cries easily
- The child appears to get angry out of nowhere
- The child does not want to go to school
- Big changes to childs appetite suddenly eating significantly more or less
What Not To Say To Someone Who Is Depressed
Just as there are a few things that might be helpful for a depressed person to hear, there are some things that will feel more like a judgement or a dismissal. Its a wise idea to avoid saying the following statements.
- Everything will be fine, I promise. Its just a hard time. This is dismissing the problem and may only make Mom or Dad feel that youre ignoring their feelings. Plus, promising that things will be fine is just an empty platitude.
- I dont know what you have to be sad about. Just cheer up!People with depression cannot just cheer up. Telling Mom or Dad that you dont understand why theyre depressed isnt helpful, and it only contributes to the feelings of shame and confusion that can surround depression.
- Snap out of it. Again, people suffering from depression dont have the luxury of simply snapping out of it. This kind of language is crude and dismissive.
- There are people far worse off than you. Comparing one persons depression to the suffering of other people is, for one thing, a false equivalency. Its also very unhelpful. Your parent will only feel judged that their suffering isnt worth it.
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How Can I Tell If My Child Is Depressed
If a child is depressed, parents may notice some of these signs:
- Sad or bad mood. A child may seem sad, lonely, unhappy, or grouchy. It can last weeks or months. A child may cry more easily. They may have more tantrums than before.
- Being self-critical. Kids going through depression may complain a lot. They may say self-critical things like, “I can’t do anything right.” “I don’t have any friends.” “I can’t do this.” “It’s too hard for me.”
- Lack of energy and effort. Depression can drain a child’s energy. They might put less effort into school than before. Even doing little tasks can feel like too much effort. Kids may seem tired, give up easily, or not try.
- Not enjoying things. Kids don’t have as much fun with friends or enjoy playing like before. They may not feel like doing things they used to enjoy.
- Sleep and eating changes. Kids may not sleep well or seem tired even if they get enough sleep. Some may not feel like eating. Others may overeat.
- Aches and pains. Some children may have stomach aches or other pains. Some miss school days because of not feeling well, even though they aren’t sick.
Think Together About Whether Theres Anything In Particular Thats Making Them Feel This Way
This could include a problem with a friendship or family relationship, feeling bullied or left out at school, feeling overwhelmed by school work, struggling with a change such as divorce or separation in the family, or a combination of things.
Are there changes that could be made at home or school that would make things easier?
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No Parent Is ‘perfect’
It can be easy to blame any difficulties you have as a parent on your mental health problems, or to over-compensate by trying to be a ‘perfect parent’. It’s important to remember though that all parents have difficult times and there is no such thing as being perfect.
Try not to put too much pressure on yourself or give yourself too much of a hard time. Remember that you have general skills as a parent â regardless of any mental health issues â that will remain useful.
Most illnesses don’t have society making you feel guilty about raising a child while sick. Mental health conditions, though, make the guilt huge â it’s as if others think you have a choice in it.
Treatment Options For Young Adults With Depression And Anxiety
Medication:
Clinical treatment for mental health disorders such as depression and anxiety commonly include a combination of medication and psychotherapy. The most common drug classification for treating young adults with depression and anxiety is the selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor group of medications, including names like Prozac, Lexapro, Celexa, Zoloft, and Paxil.
Psychotherapy:
Therapy sessions that are based on cognitive behavioral therapy are effective in helping young adults with depression and anxiety identify negative thought patterns and replace them with new, healthy responses. CBT is a short-term therapy that involves the patients active participation in establishing new, constructive behavior and thought patterns.
Relaxation:
Relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing exercises, meditation, mindfulness training, and yoga can dramatically help the effects of depression and anxiety. In addition, finding a new hobby can open up avenues of renewed self-worth as they master the new activity. By stoking their interests and passions, young people find new sources of pleasure that may even lead to a new, fulfilling career.
Volunteering:
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Managing Older Negative Parents
As hard as it may be, managing a negative parent is possible. Focusing on the root causes of this behavior is a good start. Beyond that, accepting that change may be incremental and slow will help you manage your own emotions and expectations.
Self-care is the foundation of any loving relationship. Focus on what sustains you to build the strength and confidence to deal with an aging parent.
If you’re looking for more on navigating life with aging parents, read our guides on how to deal with demanding aging parents and tips for moving in with your aging parents.
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When Left Unaddressed Parental Depression Can Undermine Healthy Parenting
There is a strong link between parents mental health and their childrens development. Parents who are depressed may experience difficulties with their mood, thinking, and ability to engage in everyday activities, such as sleeping, eating, and working. Compared to parents who are not depressed, they are also more likely to engage in negative parenting behaviors , and less likely to be warm, sensitive, and responsive to their childrens needs. Researchers have observed less-sensitive parenting in both mothers and fathers who are depressed, though much less research has been conducted with fathers.
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When A Parent Is Depressed
…What kids want to know
- Guides & Publications
- When a parent is depressed … What kids want to know
Children have a lot of questions when someone in their family is sick. When the problem is about depression, it often becomes a secret that nobody talks about. When children don’t have answers to their questions, they tend to come up with their own, which may be incorrect and scary!
Every parent and child’s “beginning conversation” about depression will be different depending on the child’s age and ability to manage the information. You know your children best.
This information will help prepare you to take the first step. If you have already started talking to a child about depression, this information will give you details to keep the conversation going. It lists common questions children have about their parent’s depression, as well as suggestions for how to answer their questions.
What is depression? How does depression work?
- Depression is a disorder that affects how a person feels, thinks, and acts.
- When people are depressed, their brain works differently from when they don’t have a depression. Our brains help us to think, feel, and act in certain ways. So when people are depressed, they think, feel, and act differently from how they do when they’re well.
- Depression is not a weakness.
- Depression is a fairly common disorder, even though people don’t always talk about it.
What causes depression? How does it start?
Will the depression ever be fixed?
It Is Important To Tell Them That In Addition To Your Support There Is Also Professional Help Available
Whilst its normal right now to feel worried or overwhelmed, its important that your child knows you are there to support them. Encourage them to speak to somebody they trust whether that be a friend, family member, a teacher or a helpline.
Seeing someones face really can make a difference and help lift spirits especially for a young person who has been isolated from their friends. Think about ways to keep in contact with people and use apps such as WhatsApp and Zoom to talk to someone face to face. Its important to speak to people you trust during this time and continue to stay connected.
Watch our video on the nine potential trigger signs for parents to be aware of in young adults.
Its also essential to look after your own mental health. As a parent, you will be keen to help your child, however, you dont have to cope with everything on your own.
You may find that you need some extra support right now, so think about who you personally can turn to for example your partner, family and friends, or a helpline that can talk to you about how you might be feeling.
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What Depression Is And Isn’t
Of course, it’s hard to seek treatment if you’re not sure what it is that you’re experiencing. Both depression and anxietywhich may occur in tandemcan show up as irritability, forgetfulness, and anger. And although rage has long been ascribed to men, it can also signal that a mom feels unheard and overburdened, her needs are not being fulfilled, and an underlying mood disorder may be brewing, says Sarah Oreck, M.D., a reproductive psychiatrist and mom in Los Angeles.
The National Institute of Mental Health uses the terms clinical depression and major depressive disorder interchangeably to refer to a severely low mood that persists for an extended period. These disorders go beyond feeling overwhelmed or having “the blues,” causing what experts term functional impairment, meaning a person is unable to parent, work, or go about the day as they once did. This impairment can arise when certain risk factorsgenetic predisposition, personality, brain chemistry, a history of mental-health issues, or adverse life eventsconverge, explains Dr. Smith. In the case of postpartum depression, which afflicts roughly one in four new moms in the three years after they give birth, it can erupt from “hormonal changes, sleep deprivation, and the burden of caring for a baby’s every need,” Dr. Oreck says.
Depression Can Make The Work Of Parenting Feel Impossible But Theres Consensus From Both Mental Health Experts And Parents Who Have Raised Their Children Amid Feelings Of Hopelessness And Despair: Help Is Out There And The Sooner You Access It The Better Life Will Be For You And Your Family
When Maddie was single and in her early 20s, she began experiencing intense fatigue and lack of motivation, “a quiet undercurrent of sadness that was never so debilitating that I couldn’t get out of bed but that would flare up for months at a time.” Negative thoughts with themes of insecurity and fear of abandonment played on a loop in her mind. Upon seeing an Instagram pic of friends enjoying a night out, for instance, she’d hear a voice in her head, taunting, “Of course they didn’t invite you you’re boring and annoying.”
When the Seattle-based teacher was 29 and her elder daughter was 2 years old, the thoughts returned. Except now, they accused her of being a horrible mother. “I’d be bathing my daughter and worrying about when she’d stop loving me, or lying in bed next to my husband, thinking, ‘When will he figure out what a fraud I am and leave?’ The kids were at a hard age, motherhood still felt new, and I was overwhelmed with working and parenting, feeling like I was doing everything poorly,” Maddie says. “I’d get them to bed and sit on the stairs and cry, thinking, ‘They deserve better than me,’ but I had nothing left to give.”
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