Complex Ptsd Can Devastate Romantic Relationships
If your romantic partner suffers from the effects of complex PTSD, its probably taking a heavy toll on their life and well-being in multiple areas. Your romantic relationship may be one of those areas. C-PTSD may make your partner unable to fully trust anyone, even those who are closest to themand that could include you. Your partner may also feel isolated, as though no outsider can understand what theyve been through; as much as you care about their physical and emotional health and sincerely wish to help them heal, you may not be able to circumvent their strong defensive barriers to communicate your feelings of love and support without the aid of mental health professionals.
As mentioned above, one of the many symptoms of complex PTSD is an ongoing search for a rescuer. During the sustained trauma responsible for creating this condition, your partner may have longed for someone to free them from their situation; even after the traumatic situation has ended, the urgent desire for a rescuer might linger on. If your partner wants you to constantly perform the role of their savior, it can create a strain on your dynamic. While you may find such behavior unsettling or confusing, its important to always treat your romantic partner with trust, patience, and understanding.
Finding Yourself In Circles Of Repetition
Although you may not see it at first, according to Shapiro, repetition is a big, yet unexpected sign that you’re suffering from PTSD from your past relationship.
“Finding yourself in another unhealthy relationship, feeling like you deserve to be treated badly that was learned from your previous traumatic relationship ,” says Shapiro. “Even in friendships, or family relations, finding yourself in uncomfortable situations where you feel badly about yourself and you have a decrease sense of self-worth.”
If there’s anyplace where you shouldn’t feel badly or uncomfortable is amongst family, but PTSD makes the opposite true.
You Feel Unsure In New Relationships
If and when you do begin a new relationship, donât be surprised if you feel unsure and unsettled. “After an individual exits a toxic relationship they often can find themselves reacting to new relationships with patterns or suspicions,â Roberts says. Itâs also possible youâll read into what your new partner says and assume they are crossing boundaries even when they arenât.
Noticing this tendency can be the first step in moving past it. “As an individual with a toxic relationship history, it is important to be aware that you might be sensing something negative, but you may also be labeling a simple mistake as something harmful when really itâs just a natural misunderstanding in the development of this next relationship,” Roberts says. It may help to let a new partner know what youâve been through so they can avoid triggering you, and also offer support.
That said, itâs important to trust your gut. If you notice similar toxic patterns in your new partner, donât ignore them. Trust what youâve learned from your past relationship and donât be afraid to end a new one if it is giving you bad vibes.
As Hornstein says, âIf the person you are with sucks all the joy out of your time together, scares you, or makes you not like yourself, the best gift you can give yourself is going to therapy with or without the person and find your way back to solid ground.â
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Trouble Areas For People With Ptsd
Because trauma survivors often fight impulsive behavior and intense anger, close relationships can feel like minefields. Weve all been in the position of reacting too quickly and snapping at a partner; for someone with PTSD this is a heightened risk. The solution they often choose is avoiding closeness and pushing loved ones away for their own good. They might also find fault with everything their friends and loved ones do, for the same reason. Drug and alcohol abuse is another refuge for sufferers.
Unfortunately, in some relationships, emotional abuse or even physical violence can happen. Remember, if it does, there is never any excuse for violent behavior. That said, PTSD sufferers will probably feel guilty about their loss of control and may accept that they have a problem if they are confronted by friends and family over their behavior. However, if you have been the target of abuse, dont take chances and confront a trauma survivor yourself. Get to safety instead.
In some situations, survivors might become too dependent upon family members, their partners, their friends, or even therapists or healthcare providers. Trained healthcare workers and mental health professionals know how to cope and help cope with this, but if youre a friend or family member, you might not. If a therapist or doctor is in the picture, let them know whats going on, and seek out support from others so youre not struggling on your own.
You Feel Anxious & Unsettled
“PTRS can be defined as an anxiety disorder that can occur subsequent to the experience of physical, emotional, or psychological abuse in the context of an intimate partner relationship,â says Bates-Duford.
There are so many causes of anxiety, so don’t jump to any conclusions and assume you were in a toxic relationship or that you’re traumatized simply because you feel anxious. But if it lines up with what you experienced in the past it might not hurt to look into it as a cause and seek treatment where necessary.
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Helping Someone With Ptsd Tip 1: Provide Social Support
Its common for people with PTSD to withdraw from family and friends. They may feel ashamed, not want to burden others, or believe that other people wont understand what theyre going through. While its important to respect your loved ones boundaries, your comfort and support can help them overcome feelings of helplessness, grief, and despair. In fact, trauma experts believe that face-to-face support from others is the most important factor in PTSD recovery.
Knowing how to best demonstrate your love and support for someone with PTSD isnt always easy. You cant force your loved one to get better, but you can play a major role in the healing process by simply spending time together.
Dont pressure your loved one into talking. It can be very difficult for people with PTSD to talk about their traumatic experiences. For some, it can even make them feel worse. Instead, let them know youre willing to listen when they want to talk, or just hang out when they dont. Comfort for someone with PTSD comes from feeling engaged and accepted by you, not necessarily from talking.
Do normal things with your loved one, things that have nothing to do with PTSD or the traumatic experience. Encourage your loved one to seek out friends, pursue hobbies that bring them pleasure, and participate in rhythmic exercise such as walking, running, swimming, or rock climbing. Take a fitness class together, go dancing, or set a regular lunch date with friends and family.
Why People Stay In Toxic Relationships
There can be many reasons why someone will stay in a relationship that is obviously unhealthy and toxic. As mentioned above, sometimes partners feed off of each other and simply cant find a way out. Or the home they grew up in had high stress, intense conflict or neglect, and so being mistreated by loved ones grew familiar.
At other times, a person who is being dominated may come to believe that they somehow deserve to be treated the way they are. Obviously, they do not. However, this kind of thinking is a sign of how the trauma has seeped into their psyche. And its a sad consequence of how some of their life experiences have come to shape their outlook on relationships and their role in them.
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Tip 6: Support Treatment
Despite the importance of your love and support, it isnt always enough. Many people who have been traumatized need professional PTSD therapy. But bringing it up can be touchy. Think about how youd feel if someone suggested that you needed therapy.
Wait for the right time to raise your concerns. Dont bring it up when youre arguing or in the middle of a crisis. Also, be careful with your language. Avoid anything that implies that your loved one is crazy. Frame it in a positive, practical light: treatment is a way to learn new skills that can be used to handle a wide variety of PTSD-related challenges.
Emphasize the benefits. For example, therapy can help them become more independent and in control. Or it can help reduce the anxiety and avoidance that is keeping them from doing the things they want to do.
Focus on specific problems. If your loved one shuts down when you talk about PTSD or counseling, focus instead on how treatment can help with specific issues like anger management, anxiety, or concentration and memory problems.
Acknowledge the hassles and limitations of therapy. For example, you could say, I know that therapy isnt a quick or magical cure, and it may take a while to find the right therapist. But even if it helps a little, it will be worth it.
Encourage your loved one to join a support group. Getting involved with others who have gone through similar traumatic experiences can help some people with PTSD feel less damaged and alone.
The Relationship Between Ptsd And Psychosis
Mental health experts describe post-traumatic stress disorder as consisting of four clusters of symptoms: re-experiencing symptoms, avoidance symptoms, negative changes in mood and brain function, and hyperarousal symptoms.
However, some mental health professionals believe that the experience of psychotic symptoms should be considered as an addition to that list. Symptoms of psychosis, such as hallucinations, often occur with symptoms of PTSD.
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When To Seek Medical Advice
It’s normal to experience upsetting and confusing thoughts after a traumatic event, but in most people these improve naturally;over a few weeks.
You should visit your GP if you or your child are still having problems about 4 weeks after;the traumatic experience, or;the symptoms are;particularly troublesome.
Your GP will want to discuss your symptoms with you in as much detail as possible.
They’ll ask whether you have experienced a traumatic event in the recent or distant past and whether you have re-experienced the event through flashbacks or nightmares.
Your GP can refer you to mental health specialists if they feel you’d benefit from treatment.
Ways To Improve Relationships
Even though relationships can be hard for someone with PTSD, social support can be beneficial by boosting self-esteem, providing togetherness, putting a focus on others, and helping the person cope with stress.
People with PTSD can work on improving their relationships by having an understanding support system, working on relationship skills, being honest with their feelings, and finding ways to relax and loosen up with other people.
Their loved ones can help themselves and the person with PTSD by:
- Not seeing or treating the person like he or she has a permanent disability
- Not being overly sympathetic
- Not feeling responsible for the problem or the healing
- Learning about symptoms and that theyre not the persons fault
- Engaging in social experiences without the loved one
- Working on healthy coping strategies
- Making positive lifestyle changes and engaging in self-care
- Trying to avoid becoming codependent
Also, professional treatment can help people with PTSD and their loved ones. Both parties can rely on individual, group, couple, and family therapy to help work through their symptoms and relationship problems. The person with PTSD may need more intensive treatment provided through an inpatient program.
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What To Do When Someone With Ptsd Pushes You Away
You let them be on their own.
Keep your calm and come back later to discuss the issue with them.
However, at the end of the day, also remember to not remain in a toxic situation if things cant be helped.
You deserve to be in a healthy environment, so take active steps to enable that.
Lastly, building a relationship takes emotional maturity and trust in equal parts.
PTSD from past relationships or traumatic experiences can ruin both. Thats exactly why it has to be addressed on time to foster healthy situations in the future.;
Can You Get Ptsd From Dating
Well, the thing is, dating PTSD;is really real. After having been in one too many abusive relationships, having been cheated on, used for everything I had, and;being hurt without any respite from it, I developed PTSD.
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I stiffen up when I feel like guys might have an interest in me. I have nightmares about my exes. Occasionally, if I see someone who looks like one of my exes, I start getting panic attacks.
My dating and relationship;PTSD is real;and, frankly, its affected me in ways that I dont really think that people can fully grasp. And if you’ve been thinking, “Do I have PTSD?” especially after leaving a turbulent relationship, this is what its like to get post-traumatic stress disorder;from your dating life.
1.;You wonder, almost daily, if any of the people you dated even feel remorseful for what they did.
I wonder this a lot. I also try to push this thought down into my subconscious, because I know that the answer is obviously no.
Most of my exes thought they were Jesus Christ on Earth; why would they ever actually admit to themselves that hitting me, cheating on me, or sexually assaulting me was wrong?
2.;When someone tells you that they love you, your response is often, I wish I could believe you, or, Thats nice.
Its happened to me about 30 times or so.
These days, I actually have trained myself to say the L-word back. Even so, Im not sure I can mean it. I dont feel love anymore.
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For The Traumatized Individual
Involve your partner and communicate regularly. I have found many traumatized people are hesitant to share what they are going through with their loved ones for fear of becoming a burden. The fact is,;when you dont communicate with your partner, they may feel confused and left out. Your partner may tend to become anxious and can sometimes do things to try to make you feel better. But these things may just end up distancing the two of you further. Let your partner know what you are going through. You dont have to give gory details,. Just let them know, as much as possible, how you are feeling right now and communicate how they can help. If you need someone to just listen, tell them so. If you need guidance and support, your partner needs to know.
Attend your counseling sessions and communicate with your therapist about stressors such as relationship strain. It is important for your therapist to know all your stressors so they can provide the best, most comprehensive care. Additional stressors can stunt healing and lengthen the longevity of symptoms.
How A Toxic Relationship May Cause Ptsd
Post-traumatic stress disorder usually manifests itself after the traumatic event occurs. But in a toxic relationship, a person may continue to be retraumatized every day.
Over timeespecially years or decadesthe unhealthy dynamic and constant exposure to trauma wears them down. It also is the source of specific events that cause trauma. For instance, a couple gets into an argument and one physically assaults the other. A single incident like that could easily trigger trauma, but what about if it occurs consistently over a long period of time? Without a doubt, you can see where PTSD is in the making.
For example, put yourself in the shoes of someone who has been abused in their relationship. Lets say theyre grocery shopping. Suddenly, they hear a loud bang and are startled to the point of tears and panic. But it was a clerk who accidentally dropped something on the floor. For that person though, their thought process immediately causes them to think they are in danger. Thats because the noise reminded them of their partner. They had, in the past when angry, lashed out, broken objects, or punched holes in walls.
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Ways People With Ptsd Handle Relationships Differently
People with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder have successful relationships with their loved ones all the time. However, its not without unique challenges that can put a strain on couples. If everyone is committed to the success of their relationship, they can achieve happiness.
*For this article, well refer to a person who has post-traumatic stress disorder as a survivor.
As you can imagine, suffering from PTSD can make it difficult for a survivor to hold relationships with people due to emotional and psychological issues. This case is especially true because the people in the survivors life can become overwhelmed with all the problems that occur. It puts a strain on everyone involved, and this includes all relationships, not just romantic ones.
Knowing how a person with post-traumatic stress disorder handles relationships can be a big help for everyone involved. It can prepare you for issues that may arise and help take some of the strain from dealing with the symptoms. Keep reading to learn about seven ways that people with post-traumatic stress disorder handle relationships differently.
You Have Intrusive Thoughts
While it’s OK to think about your ex as you process what happened, be on the lookout for signs you’re getting obsessive. It may feel like you want to think about something else, but canât.
“Individuals who have post-traumatic relationship disorder have a tendency to struggle with obsessive thoughts about following relationships,”Naphtali Roberts, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist, tells Bustle.
Intrusive thoughts can be vivid, scary, and often totally dictate your day. “This can often lead to distraction, acting impulsively, difficulty falling or staying asleep, or constant crying or irritability because you remember past choices,â she says.
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