My Child Isn’t Progressing As Fast As Others Who’s To Blame
Several possibilities:
- Your child isn’t getting the best treatment available, or the treatment isn’t delivered by skilled, experienced clinicians. Or there is some loophole you are missing for instance what’s happening with your child’s eating in school? Check out my resources and work it out.
- The treatment your child is getting is not suited to his/her particular needs . Discuss it with his or her team.
- Eating disorders affect different people with different levels of severity, they are tough illnesses and treatment is still in its infancy. Perhaps you are all doing the best that can be done with our current knowledge, and your child would be more ill otherwise. Keep going. And if therapist is blaming you or your child for lack of progress, find another.
- Perhaps comorbids need addressed sooner rather than later, for instance OCD or particular needs related to autism or to an earlier trauma. Perhaps your child needs more targeted help with depression or anxiety, or with volatile emotions as in borderline personality disorder . Perhaps there is a biological component that is maintaining the illness, as in gut microbiota and in basal ganglia encephalitis , which I say more about on this page.
How Long Should I Persist With A Meal
I am not a fan of simple, one size-fits-all rules like ‘Life Stops Until You Eat’ or ‘100 percent nutrition, 100 percent of the time’. It depends on your child’s mental state, on whether you’re about to do harm by finally losing your temper, on what you have learned works with your child, on your aims .
If you have a meal to serve right now, think ‘compassionate persistence’.
If you have 20mn, watch my video, which talks you through your options.
Avoid Going Back To Old Patterns
Sometimes, its hard not to go back to older, familiar eating patterns when stressed. For some this may mean emotionally eating, while others may find comfort by restricting their eating. In both cases, its important to be aware of the use of food to manage those negative thoughts and feelings in the moment, these food behaviors may help you feel better, but not in the long run, advises Mendez.
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Guilt After Eating Leads To More Uncomfortable Feelings
Eating disorders tend to make this even worse. Feelings of guilt easily result in self-loathing, shame and hopelessness. Because we often feel out of control, we try to rid of the guilt by compensating using destructive behaviors and self-imposed rules.
I feel so bad. I just had had a snack and now my parents and brother invited me to go to a restaurant. I dont know what to do? Im already worthless. I should be exercising, but there is not enough time. I am such a loser. Maybe there is something on the menu that isnt so bad. But what if they want to order dessert too? I know that place has the most delicious chocolate cake that I cant resist. Im sure moms gonna order it. I hope I have enough discipline. I am so ugly. I need to make a plan for tomorrow to make up for this. Miriam .
The above journal entry highlights the distorted thought patterns and negative self-talk eating disorders cause. I remember how the feelings of guilt and failure pushed me into punishing behaviors. I engaged in compulsive exercise. Or anything that could help me to get rid of that feeling.
Dealing With Eating Disorders In The Home
As a parent, there are many things you can do to support your childs eating disorder recoveryeven if they are still resisting treatment.
Set a positive example. You have more influence than you think. Instead of dieting, eat nutritious, balanced meals. Be mindful about how you talk about your body and your eating. Avoid self-critical remarks or negative comments about others appearance. Instead, focus on the qualities on the inside that really make a person attractive.
Make mealtimes fun. Try to eat together as a family as often as possible. Even if your child isnt willing to eat the food youve prepared, encourage them to join you at the table. Use this time together to enjoy each others company, rather than talking about problems. Meals are also a good opportunity to show your child that food is something to be enjoyed rather than feared.
Avoid power struggles over food. Attempts to force your child to eat will only cause conflict and bad feelings and likely lead to more secrecy and lying. That doesnt mean you cant set limits or hold your child accountable for their behavior. But dont act like the food police, constantly monitoring your childs behavior.
Do whatever you can to promote self-esteem. in your child in intellectual, athletic, and social endeavors. Give boys and girls the same opportunities and encouragement. A well-rounded sense of self and solid self-esteem are perhaps the best antidotes to disordered eating.
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What Is Bulimia Nervosa
People with bulimia nervosa have recurrent episodes of eating unusually large amounts of food and feeling a lack of control over these episodes. This binge-eating is followed by behaviors that compensate for the overeating, such as forced vomiting, excessive use of laxatives or diuretics, fasting, excessive exercise, or a combination of these behaviors. Unlike those with anorexia nervosa, people with bulimia nervosa may maintain a normal weight or be overweight.
Symptoms include:
- Chronically inflamed and sore throat
- Swollen salivary glands in the neck and jaw area
- Worn tooth enamel and increasingly sensitive and decaying teeth
- Acid reflux disorder and other gastrointestinal problems
- Intestinal distress and irritation from laxative abuse
- Severe dehydration from purging
- Electrolyte imbalance , which can lead to stroke or heart attack
Restricting Food Or Dieting
- Making excuses to avoid meals or situations involving food
- Eating only tiny portions or specific low-calorie foods, and often banning entire categories of food such as carbs and dietary fat
- Obsessively counting calories, reading food labels, and weighing portions
- Developing restrictive food rituals such as eating foods in certain orders, rearranging food on a plate, excessive cutting or chewing.
- Taking diet pills, prescription stimulants like Adderall or Ritalin, or even illegal drugs such as amphetamines
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How Is Nimh Addressing Eating Disorders
The National Institute of Mental Health is conducting and supporting research that could help find new and improved ways to diagnose and treat eating disorders. For example, the NIMH Eating Disorders Research Program supports research on the causes, symptoms, diagnosis, and treatment at medical institutions across the country. It also supports studies that can help explain the risk factors that cause eating disorders to start or reoccur. The programs studies on treatment help move basic science findings from the lab bench to a patients bedside.
Are There Any Guided Meditations To Help Me Be At My Best
Yes! I’ve produced recordings of guided meditations to help you actually experience the power that lies with a compassionate state. They will help you shift your state towards more wellbeing. One of them is designed to let you drift off to sleep Yay!
There’s more on my page ‘Help with compassion, self-compassion and sleep‘
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How Can I Prevent My Child From Developing An Eating Disorder
Nothing can definitively prevent an eating disorderthose forces are sometimes out of a parents control. But cultivating a positive, accepting atmosphere around body image can help your child thrive.
Parents can do that by emphasizing that self-worth comes from personality, not appearance, and that people with all different body types can be strong and happy. Parents can avoid voicing regular concerns about their own body, weight or food choices . They should also avoid commenting on their childs weight or body.
Additionally, parents can strive to develop an open, communicative relationship so that if their child encounters challenges such as bullying or anxiety, parents can listen and address those challenges together in a healthy way.
Strategies For Coping With Triggers
Triggers will inevitably present themselves in your recovery. Though the disordered reaction to them often seems automatic and out of your control, you do have power in managing these urges. Consider the following steps to control your response to triggers and the eating disorder thoughts and feelings they provoke.
1. Identify your triggers.
As with many acts of change, awareness is the first step. Identifying the events, people, and situations that trigger negative emotions will help you either avoid that particular trigger or prepare a way to handle it in the future.
In dialectical behavioral therapy , a behavior chain analysis is used to help identify the triggers that led to a particular behavior. Using this technique, you journal the chain of environmental, social, and other events that precipitated a problematic behavior. In linking each event that preceded the behavior, the chain provides insight to the factors particularly triggering to you.
Common triggers for those in eating disorder recovery include:
- Stepping on the scale
- Specific numbers about weight, size, and food intake
- Being surrounded by food
- Conversations about diets and weight loss
- Boredom, loneliness, and stress
2. Interrupt the connection between the trigger and the eating disorder behavior.
3. Engage in alternative behaviors.
Some suggestions include:
- Practice yoga, gratitude, or other strategies for reducing anxiety
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Binge Eating Disorder Recovery And Weight Loss: Do They Go Hand
Binge eating disorder can affect all types of individuals, infiltrating all aspects of life relationships, self-esteem, body image and even ones overall functioning. Despite common misconceptions, it is not an eating disorder that you can see. Individuals in smaller shapes and sizes may struggle with severe and recurrent binging episodes, while individuals in larger bodies might not engage in these types of behaviors. Nevertheless, binge eating can be associated with substantial weight gain which can become an area of concern for those who place high importance on body weight, appearance or shape.
Is Weight Really The Issue?
In reality, dieting is not the answer.
Restricting food intake, delaying eating and avoiding certain kinds of foods can really make the binge eating cycle stronger and more intense. These dieting efforts may lead to some weight loss, but it is often short lived as diets are not effective or sustainable ways of managing weight.
Body weight may vacillate significantly due to dieting and binge eating episodes. Not only is yo-yo dieting ineffective, but repeated cycles of weight loss and gain can affect the body in ways that make it more difficult to lose weight in the future . This may compound feelings of frustration and failure within individuals who struggle with binge eating, and may even be a component in maintaining the disorder.
Wont I gain Weight If I Stop Dieting?
Is There Hope?
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Everything I Say Makes My Child More Cross
It could be your only tool is now silent empathy. It sounds like nothing, but it can be very powerful, if you can put yourself in a loving state of mind.
There’s also a lot you can do to keep up the connection even while your child goes:
- “You don’t listen!”
- “You’re so patronising!”
- “Why are you not doing x,y,z?”
Lots in my book and in Bitesize. The short answer: listen well, be interested, try and get into a non-judgemental state. Wait for a sense of connection and understanding before you give explanations, make suggestions, give fixes. Mealtimes is the exception: don’t let empathy take up all the time: keep coming back to eating prompts.
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How Common Is Disordered Eating
It’s rare nowadays to turn on the TV and not see an advert for a diet plan. Likewise, it’s difficult to open a social media app and not see photoshopped images or influencers promoting weight loss products. We live in a diet culture, and Dr Naseem believes this has contributed to disordered eating becoming ‘normalised’.
“I believe a rise in fitness and clean eating trends has led to a normalisation of disordered behaviours. This has undoubtedly skewed how people view healthy eating and body image ideals. It’s important people know that ‘health’ looks different for everyone.”
With social media often perpetuating harmful messages, people might not always realise they have a disordered relationship with food. Stereotypes around eating disorders can also lead to people believing they aren’t ‘sick enough’.
Talking About Eating Disorders
- Eating disorder recovery often transitions through different phases. This can include the transition through different levels of care and even the experience of relapse. Having the tools and resources you need for your journey can help you maintain your recovery from an eating disorder, even through transitional phases. Learn more about how to successful progress through eating disorder recovery.
- Discussing any sensitive situation with your parents is quite difficult. Attempting to speak with them about a sensitive topic such as an eating disorder that can kill you is even more difficult. However, do not forget that your parents love you, and they want you to be safe and healthy. Do not fall into the misguided belief that you can handle the binge eating, anorexia or bulimia on your own. You need help and two of the most important people that can help you get through the eating disorder disease are your parents.
- Few things are more painful than watching a friend suffer in silence with an eating disorder without acknowledging it. Weve written a short help guide that gives some tips on how to speak to your friend about his or her eating disorder.
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Prevalence Of Eating Disorders
The prevalence of eating disorders is astonishing. According to The National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, , eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness.
While the occurrence of eating disorders varies between countries, studies and evidence-based research shows, that on a global scale, there is an agreement that these mental conditions, including disordered eating and body image issues, have increased worldwide over the last 30 years.
Know That Eating Disorders Ebb And Flow
A straight upward arrow to recovery would be excellent, but it may not be the way things go for your friend or family member. Relapses happen, particularly if life has become stressful or something has gone wrong eating disorders are a coping method. Recognize this and don’t be disappointed or angry if it happens.
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Can People Be Addicted To Food
In recent years, food addiction has become a popular idea among some scientists. Those researchers say that certain foods high in fat, sugar, and salt are addictive, causing changes in the brain similar to those made by drugs. Studies in animals have shown that rats that binge on sugar, for example, can develop signs of dependency.
But the idea of food addiction is controversial. For one thing, the standard treatment for addiction is abstinence, and thatâs not possible with food. Also, âdieting is a very strong component of the binge eating cycle,â May says. âFrom that standpoint, itâs counterproductive to label certain foods as negative.â
Thereâs no doubt that eating can stimulate the release of feel-good chemicals in the brain, Hudnall says. âBut that doesnât make food an addictive substance. Thereâs evidence that itâs actually the behavior — the restrict/binge cycle — that causes the signs of dependency, not the food itself,â she says. Some researchers have even stated that the term âeating addictionâ is a more accurate term than âfood addiction.â
What Should I Feed My Child
Obviously, there’s lots in my book and in Bitesize about this.
Briefly: you should quickly get to the stage you can feed your child 3 meals and 3 snacks a day, in quantities that will give any weight gain required, fast.
Some therapists will give you a meal plan. That may or may not help you. You can also get high calorie meal ideas here.
You can give normal food just in bigger quantities. It’s helpful to make the food ‘dense’: lots of calories in a smaller volume. That usually means using rich ingredients like fats.
If your child needs to gain weight, that’s your priority, so it’s OK to stick to the foods they are just about comfortable with. But if your child is only eating vegetables and quinoa, you will have no choice but to serve richer food right from the start.
Once you’re reasonably confident you can feed your child for weight gain, consider introducing some ‘fear foods’. It’s up to you how soon you do this, but it has to be done eventually. You can’t have recovery from an eating disorder if you continue avoiding the foods you used to love, or the foods that are part of normal life.’
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Is Treatment For Bulimia Or Binge Eating Disorder Different From Treatment For Anorexia
There is less research, and more uncertainty, about what treatment is best for bulimia. The UK’s health service advisory body, NICE, recently reviewed all the evidence and concluded that for young people a family-based approach must be the first line of treatment for both anorexia and bulimia. There are small differences between the two. If that fails, a specialised form of CBT is next in line. I explain all this in more depth here.
For binge eating disorder, there really is very little research. If it was my child I would adapt the family therapy approach, with an emphasis on regular meals. The official recommendation coming out of NICE’s most recent review is first of all ‘guided self-help’. If it were my child, I would want to be part of that ‘guiding’, in a manner similar to that of family-based treatment. In particular I would want to support my child to eat regular meals. If guided self-help doesn’t work, the next recommendation is for a specialised form of CBT for eating disorders. These recommendations apply to any age . CBT for eating disorders has been developed and tested mostly for adults but it can work with motivated and self-aware teens. More on this in Chapter 12 which you can read in its entirety here.