Premature Ejaculation And Sexual Performance Anxiety
Like erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation is a very common sexual issue.
Approximately one-third of men under the age of 60 have at least occasional issues with PE. Doctors define early ejaculation as regularly reaching orgasm within one minute after penetration during vaginal sex.
Whether you have chronic symptoms or symptoms that only occur from time to time, PE has the potential to increase the odds of sexual performance anxiety.
As mentioned above, sexual performance anxiety can potentially lead to PE, which can further increase anxiety. It can therefore become a self-fulfilling prophecy. However, there are numerous solutions to help you overcome this issue.
Types Of Performance Anxieties During Sex
Performance anxieties during sex are very commonwhether youre having sex for the first time, with a new partner, or rekindling an old romance. Studies have shown that performance anxiety is just as common in sex as it is in sports. Hang-ups during sex are similar to choking or freezing during a game. In a recent study, Anxiety and Performance in Sex, Sport, and Stage: Identifying Common Ground, scientists emphasize several influencers of sexual performance anxiety:
1. Spectatoring: This is a phenomenon suggested by human sexuality experts Masters and Johnson in 1970. It is the act of observing yourself from a third-person perspective, similar to spectating a sports game and giving a running commentary. Couples therapist Dr. Jenn Mann describes it as the complete opposite of being present during sex.
2. Distractions: This perhaps happens more often than wed like to admit. Living in a digital age, it is no surprise that our attention spans have drastically decreased. Intrusive thoughts are all too common, and distractions can make things go awry during sex.
Media portray distorted versions of sex and romance, and these manifest as over-expectations.
3. Unrealistic expectations: Media influence our ideas of sex and sexuality from an early age. Magazines, movies, and books portray distorted versions of sex and romance, and these manifest as over-expectations, perfectionism, and negative self-talk.
Anxiety And Sex Drive
Above you learned how anxiety can physiologically interfere with arousal during sexual activity. Anxiety can diminish sex drive as well. It doesnt do this by changing hormone levels in our bodies necessarily, but by affecting the way we think and feel about intimacy. For example:
- poor body image if you think youre unattractive, the idea of physical intimacy may become less appealing and thus diminish interest in sex.
- low self-esteem similarly if you think of yourself as undesirable or bad at sex this may well lead to anxiety about sex, which can lead to reduced interest in it.
- difficulty relaxing leads to less enjoyable sex leads to less interest in sex.
- medications commonly prescribed for anxiety can lower libido. They can also cause erectile dysfunction in men or inhibit womens ability to orgasm either one of which can actually lead to more anxiety around sex.
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What Are The Causes Of Performance Anxiety In Men
There are a lot of potential reasons why a guy might experience sexual performance anxiety.
Most of them stem from the mistaken belief that you will somehow do somethingor not be able to do somethingthat will end up disappointing your partner.
Sex is not like a TV show or movie that needs to be reviewed and critiqued, but turning it into that is just about the quickest way to make sex anxiety-provoking instead of fun.
Even the most confident guy is bound to be a bit nervous if he thinks his partner is going to be overly critical of his sexual prowess.
Let’s take a quick look at five of the most common reasons guys might experience performance anxiety.
How Does Sexual Performance Anxiety Feel
Well, even though its primarily a psychological thing, SPA implies a range of physiological responses in the body as well.
So, when you become anxious or stressed out, your fight-or-flight reflexes kick in. What does this mean? Well, first of all, it means that your body will start to release stress hormones like adrenaline and noradrenaline. And one of the ways these hormones affect your body is that they constrict or narrow your blood vessels. This means that less blood goes into your penis, and that makes it all the more difficult to achieve or sustain an erection.
After all, youre preparing for a fight, arent you? You will need all that blood for something else. Yeah, like worrying for example.
I mean this thing is the devil. Even guys whove never had an issue with erections or premature ejaculation before, as soon as they get stressed and anxious enough, it becomes overwhelming and suddenly they find themselves experiencing some sort of acute, psychogenic erectile dysfunction, and with that some more SPA on the way.
Theres actually a really good report in The Guardian about how more and more people in their 20s and 30s are reporting recycle dysfunction although probably the cause of their performance woes has more to do with SPA than it has to do with any real erectile dysfunction.
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General Relationship Problems With Your Partner
Even for guys with the most active sex lives, intercourse itself makes up only a tiny fraction of the daily interactions they have with their lover.
Theres a heck of a lot more to a relationship than sex, and the overall quality of your relationship has important implications for your sex life.
Indeed, a poor relationship outside the bedroom can increase performance anxiety between the sheets.
Men who have trouble communicating openly and honestly with their significant other often fall into this category.
Accepting You Have Sexual Performance Anxiety Can Be Helpful
We are programmed to believe that from birth we should all be fully aware of our sexual prowess. I remember my friend telling me what happened when he first had sex with a girl at the age of 14 and how the girl went on to tell her friends she was not satisfied He stressed that he felt embarrassed to hear that.
None of us came into this world knowing about sex already, and even after decades of having sex, there is always more to learn.
This adds to the fact that we are all human with a wide range of emotions, which definitely makes sex more complicated.
Be sincere to yourself and admit the fact that youve got a lot to learn about sex, and that youre anxious about the situation.
The quicker you stop lying to yourself about your actual situation, the quicker you will be in contact with your real self, and this alone will loosen the grip of fear on your sexual performance anxiety situation.
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Causes Of Performance Anxiety
As discussed, performance anxiety is generally the result of some form of self-directed negativity. However, there are lots of different reasons that a person might develop these feelings.
There are physical reasons. Men may become worried about the size of their penis or the shape of their body, and begin to believe that women wont be attracted to them because of these traits.
They may also become susceptible to societal ideals of manliness, gender roles, or expectations and feel that they are bound to underperform. Men who watch a lot of porn may develop performance anxiety due to some of the over-the-top performances that are seen in many porn films.
Relationship issues and previous sexual experiences can all also contribute to performance anxiety. If a partner has demanded that you have trouble meeting or unrealistic expectations, you may carry these expectations into future relationships as performance anxiety.
Anything else that causes anxiety can also lead to sexual performance anxiety. Stress related to work, family, school, finances, or anything else can also compound and lead to performance anxiety.
How To Overcome Fear Of Sex
The following are several ways you can try to manage performance anxiety:
Exercise improves your stamina, flexibility, and strength in bed. Lack of exercise is linked to symptoms of ED here. To improve your performance, you can do some sit-ups, push-ups, crunches, and squats to strengthen the upper and lower body. Plus, when you exercise, you may feel better about your body image and perform better.
Focus on Whats In Front of You
Most men who experience performance anxiety focus too much on what may go wrong during sexual intercourse or keep reliving that time when they could not perform well. The emotion of embarrassment, worries, and fear may pile up, and this could lead to a cycle.
One thing you can do is focus on your senses and divert your attention to the person or objects around you. This may help block negative thoughts. In addition, you can enjoy sex itself by making the mood romantic with scented candles and music.
Open Up to Your Partner
Most often than not, sexual anxiety stems from the pressure about what your partner might think of you if you fail to perform or rise to the occasion. Being open about what is bothering you may put you at ease and address underlying relationship issues.
Other Things to Try
Some alternatives you can try include:
- Sex therapy
- Reducing stress in your life
- Clearing negative thoughts
- Meditation that helps with anxiety
- Guided imagery
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Feelings Are Not Fact
The emotional reasoning of âI feel it so it must be trueâ is inherently flawed. Feelings are not factual. However, this can be hard to logically reason with when anxious. Something to remind yourself of the next time your mind is swirling with sexual performance worries: just because you feel it doesnât make it true. This might lessen the power these thoughts have over your emotional response, .
Sexual Performance Anxiety Can Lead To Major Dysfunctions: Here Are Six Ways You Can Deal With It
A recent study in Sexual Medicine Reviews revealed that sexual performance anxiety causes erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation in 9-25 percent men, and causes severe inhibition of sexual desires in 6-16 percent of women
Anxiety occurs at critical junctures, especially before important events, and so its quite natural to feel anxious about your performance in bed. But when anxiety about sexual performance becomes a regular issue, not only does it affect your mental health but it can also have an impact on your sexual health and wellbeing.
The sex and anxiety link
Sexual performance anxiety or sexual anxiety usually manifests in a number of different ways for different people. The research team led by William H Masters and Virginia Johnson the scientists portrayed in the TV show Masters of Sex were the first to study how anxiety regarding sex led to sexual dysfunctions and disorders. They found that anxiety prevents the autonomic nervous systems response to sexual stimuli, thereby preventing the completion of the phases of the sexual response cycle: desire, arousal, orgasm and resolution.
Tips to deal with sexual performance anxiety
4. Communicate better: Sex with a partner is not something you can enjoy by going into a shell. Doing so can increase your anxiety. So, communicate your needs to your partner and listen when they tell you what they want in bed too.
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Tips For Overcoming Sexual Anxiety
In addition to therapy and medication, there are several actions you can take to help deal with sexual anxiety on your own.
The following are six helpful tips for overcoming sexual anxiety:
Sex Is Not A Life Or Death Situation Your Partner Only Wants Sexual Pleasure
You are taking this sexual performance anxiety situation very seriously.
Shes literally and completely opening up to you shes here to give you pleasure and complete satisfaction. She offers herself to you for the moment at least.
If you dont get it up, you wont die!. If you ejaculate quickly, your life wont end!. If you dont make her orgasm, this wont be the last time you have sex !.
Get rid of the pressure!. Stop worrying too much!.
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And if she leaves because the first time you guys tried sex, you didnt perform like a porn star? Okay, yeah, she wasnt worth it.
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Does It Go Away
Sexual performance anxiety is unlikely to go away on its own. Anxiety is a different level of stress that can overtake your body and mind. Once the effects of anxiety start to show physically, it becomes extremely difficult to overcome without the right support and treatment like those outlined below.
You’ve Got This And You’ve Got Testo
Anxiety affects all of us at some point in our lives. When it centers on sexual performance, there are many treatment options that will have you enjoying intimacy with your partner once again.
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How To Boost Your Mental Arousal To Its Maximum
Younger men sometimes feel guilty whenever they think of the lady when shes in bed in front of them. Stop it! Use her body as an exciting tool. Stimulate it, play with it, whatever part of her body attracts you the most.
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Use her hand and, in the meantime, put it on your sensual organ. Avoid any discomfort. This is a natural phenomenon that has been going on from the start of time. Concentrate intensely on her most exciting parts, and take over your body.
Tips To Overcome Sexual Performance Anxiety
Were fixated on the idea of how enjoyable sex is supposed to be, which is actually part of the problem. You can become overly focused on experiencing pleasure and lose it in the process.
At any rate, you cant expect to have fun if youre worried about your performance. To overcome sexual performance anxiety, you need to find out whats causing it. We will discuss the most common causes and symptoms in men and women. Then, we provide seven tips to overcome it and restore the pleasure in your sex life.
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What Causes Sexual Performance Anxiety How Does Spa Manifest
SPA manifests in lots of ways and has a number of potential causes. Some of those causes might be:
- Fearing that youre a bad lover, that you will be unable to satisfy your partner sexually.
- Low self-confidence, weight concerns, poor body image, or the more extreme body dysmorphia, a mental health disorder in which youre obsessed with a supposed flaw on your body .
- Worries about the length of your penis, not being content with the length or shape of your penis. Worrying about how your penis measures up compared to previous partners of your current one.
- Fears about experiencing premature ejaculation . If youve already had an episode or episodes of PE, fear that youll experience them every time you have sex.
- Or the opposite worrying that youre taking too long to orgasm.
- If youre anorgasmic, aka incapable of achieving an orgasm, whether its occasional, frequent, or lifelong/all the time, worrying about this and worrying that you and your partner wont be able to enjoy having sex.
- Relationship issues unresolved issues, whether they have to do with your sex life or not can also turn into a reason behind SPA.
As you can see, most of these are psychological factors. SPA has a lot to do with how we experience sex, how we see each other as sexual beings and our capabilities as people who engage in sexual activity.
Fear That Past Performance Is Predictive Of Future Performance
People sometimes let one sexual encounter set the expectations for years to come. Its important to recognize each sexual encounter contains numerous variables that affect performance. For example, erectile dysfunction or vaginal pain with one partner do not necessarily mean its going to happen with all partners.
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Improve Your Sexual Knowledge
Most of us learn about sex as teenagers and spend the rest of our lives fumbling round in the darkliterally.
If youre someone whose nerves are calmed with knowledge, try reading a friendly, accessible sex guide like Hot Sex: How To Do It, by Tracey Cox, or She Comes First, The Thinking Mans Guide To Pleasuring a Woman, by Ian Kerner.