Ways To Deal With Sexual Performance Anxiety
Set realistic expectations.
Make an effort to understand what real sex is like between two real people. Its not what you see in porn and its not what you read in romance novels. The average length of intercourse isnt 45 minutes. Its seven. The average penis size isnt eight inches. Its five and half erect. Lots of women have inner labia that reach beyond their outer lips and an estimated 82% of us can get off from penetration alone.
Know these things so that youre not setting these unachievable goals for yourself. Know that you are normal. And its okay to have a quickie. And you dont have to be hung like Don Johnson to be able to get her off. Knowing these things can significantly reduce the stress and pressure that can cause performance anxiety.
Get her off first.
If you only take one thing away from this post, please let it be that. Make her cum before you put your dick in her. Hell, make her cum a bunch of times before you fuck her. Then if you only last five minutes, shes not going to care. Shell already be sated.
Not only that, but you wont feel as much pressure to perform, youll already have been the star of show. Just knowing that you dont have to last a certain length of time or completely focus on her pleasure should allow you to relax a little bit and find the fun in your love making.
If youre unsure of how to get her off without having sex, check these out:
Improve your self-talk.
Talk to your partner.
Not sure how to even start this conversation?
Anxiety And Performance Anxiety
Performance anxiety can be a serious problem. It can create other types of anxiety, including social anxiety, and in some cases, it can be a symptom of other anxiety disorders that bleed into your confidence in social situations.
No matter what you will need to address your overall anxiety if you want to also reduce your performance anxiety. Anxiety disorders create negative, nervous thinking, and so even if you “cure” your performance anxiety, you are still likely to have disabling thoughts that may affect your performance in the future.
But performance anxiety itself can have a variety of additional causes. Let’s look at the two main types of performance anxiety and see what may cause it, and then go into detail about what can be done to prevent it.
Communicate Clearly With Sexual Partners
Tell your partner about the anxiety you have been experiencing. Communicate frequently and openly about your anxiety to help diffuse the escalation cycles. Sometimes simply naming performance anxiety out loud as an issue can be enough for it to dissipate, and receiving reassurance from your partner that they enjoy the sexual experiences you share can decrease anxiety significantly.
Tell your partner what kind of touch or other stimulation that you enjoy. This information can be either broad or specific, but gives your partner a pleasure map to follow. Do not fake pleasure to avoid anxiety. This can create a feedback loop which makes it increasingly difficult to be present with your experience instead of performative, reducing your ability to feel genuine engagement with the experience.
Ask your partner about their priorities during sex. You may discover that stamina or orgasm is less important than you thought. Ask them what kind of touch and interaction they prefer, so you dont have to guess about what makes them feel good. What works with one person may be uninteresting to the next.
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When To Get Help For Sexual Performance Anxiety
Occasional anxiety about sex is normal, particularly with a new partner. However, if performance anxiety is escalating, or has been occurring for longer than three months, it may be time to seek help with a medical professional and/or a sex therapist, especially if performance anxiety is occurring with more than one partner or is causing distress in other areas of your life.
The sooner that underlying issues are addressed, the easier it will be to eliminate performance anxiety and avoid a sexless marriage or relationship. Anxiety can easily become entrenched if it isnt addressed quickly. A sex therapist can help you, with or without a partner, to explore the anxiety cycle and offer interventions for reducing performance anxiety during sex.
There’s Nothing Wrong With Your Erogenous Zone
Your “malfunction” is typically not in your mechanical part. It is not in your penis or your vagina it is not in a malfunction of your erogenous zone. Rather, it is a set of irrational thoughts that are creating performance anxietywhich in turn lead to your lack of orgasm .
A major part of performance anxiety is fear of what others are going to think of you if you fail to perform. You may fear that your partner will stop seeing you as sexy or as not being a “real man” or “real woman.”
As such, you may tell yourself that your worth depends on whether or not you can reach a climax. “What good am I,” you think, “if I can’t even have an orgasm?” But you are not identical to an orgasm. Again, you are not a mere mechanism. You are a being who can think, reason, act, feel, desire, and sense. You are a self-determining being, a being who can autonomously decide things. You, therefore, also have an inherent value and dignity. So respect yourselfgood sex, after all, begins with self-respect!
And besides, it’s not really earth-shattering if you don’t have an orgasm or you can’t have an erection. It is not on the level of a nuclear meltdown or an earthquake in which thousands of people perish. It is not the equivalent of murder or rape. It is not the end of the universe. As far as bad things go, it really isn’t so badunless you tell yourself it is. But that is where your willpower comes into play you can make of it what you will.
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Tips For Overcoming Sexual Performance Anxiety
Its the moment youve been waiting for with your partner, and right before you get down to get busy, you start to wonder if youll be able to perform.
Trust us, youre not the first, and you wont be the last person to deal with sexual performance anxiety.
But, the great thing is there are some ways you can overcome this by seeking sexual performance anxiety treatment. Before you schedule your treatment, we recommend you check out some of the useful tips we have to offer you.
What Is Sexual Anxiety
Sexual anxiety can also be called sexual performance anxiety, and it can be caused by negative experiences from the past, sexual dysfunctions, stress, or a variety of other factors.
It can cause people to feel extreme anxiety and potentially even lead to sexual avoidance. That said, the most important factor to consider is the importance of communication.
It has even been found that communication is the secret to keeping passion alive in long-term relationships. Communication can not only make you more comfortable, but it can also help you identify the root of your sexual anxiety and help you work toward a more fulfilling sex life.
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How To Know If You Have Sexual Anxiety
This may seem pretty obvious, but it can be hard to tell if you’re dealing with sexual anxiety if you’re in the middle of dealing with something else that might also be anxiety-inducing.
So, start to notice when your mood changesis it a result of a partner initiating physical contact? Is it because you’re anticipating sexual activity in the immediate future? If so, these are probably signs that you’re experiencing anxiety surrounding sex.
Make Sex About Sensuality Instead Of Goals
Dont race to the finishing line.
According to Dr. Hernando Chaves at Ask Men, a lot of men are socialized from an early age to view sex as goal-oriented, performance-driven, orgasm-centric and erection focused. To have a successful sexual experience, men are taught that the only good sex is sex that meets these goals.
Dr. Chaves points out that this idea misses the mark when it comes to what sex is really about: pleasure enjoyed by two people.
Instead of obsessing about performance, Dr. Chaves encourages men to put the focus on non-genital and non-intercourse intimacy exercises that help a person explore connection, comfort, intimacy, and eroticism without anxious expectations.
He suggests exercises that focus on eye gazing, hugging, touch, partner communication, and massage. These are not goal-oriented. Instead, they teach a person to be present and mindful of pleasure with their partner.
Worried about your performance? How about changing the focus to becoming a better kisser?
Heres a guide to get you started.
You could also learn how to give the worlds sexiest massage.
And if youre going to get sensual, lube is a great way to turn up the heat in the bedroom, from sensual massage to exploring your partners erogenous zones. Check out our complete guide to personal lubrication. While youre at it, dont forget to score your free sample of ASTROGLIDE.
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What Is Performance Anxiety
Performance anxiety is when a person feels anxious or stressed about engaging in any type of activity in which they must perform.
Sexual performance anxiety is similar to music performance anxiety. Just like a musician feels anxious before and during a musical performance, you may feel anxious before or during sex.
This type of performance anxiety often happens when you worry or feel fear about specific aspects of sex. These can include:
Not being able to please your partner
Not getting and maintaining an erection.
Looking good while naked
Achieving orgasm at the appropriate time
These worries can come from past experiences, nervousness about the first time with a new partner, or be a result of stress in other areas of your life.
No matter the cause, performance anxiety causes you to focus more on your state of mind than your partner.
You can become so distracted that you have trouble focusing on your partner and the joy you both feel. If your thoughts overwhelm you, then you cant engage well in sexual activity and may even experience erectile dysfunction.
What Treatments Are Available For Sexual Performance Anxiety
If youre having problems getting an erection, medication for ED can be extremely effective from a physical perspective, but it can also help reduce the mental stress of performance anxiety. Some men find that simply having the option of the little blue pill in a drawer nearby is enough to help reduce their anxiety and enjoy a healthy sex life. If you think medication might be right for you, you can safely order treatments such asViagra, Cialis, Spedra, Levitra and Sildenafil through our Online Doctor consultation.
The same applies to PE, where medication , can help you delay your climax, overcome sexual performance anxiety, and gain more control over your sex life. If youre looking for something that you can use in the moment, there are condoms and creams that contain numbing agents that help to desensitise the penis. Alternatively, you could try a tablet prescription medication called Priligy. This is a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor which has been specifically developed for the treatment of premature ejaculation. Priligy has been proven to be very effective in delaying ejaculation. Visit our PE Clinic for a free online consultation to learn more today.
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How To Manage Performance Anxiety
Overcoming performance anxiety can seem overwhelming, but there many different ways to treat this disorder. Its always best to see a doctor first to make sure there are no underlying medical conditions that could be causing performance issues. This is especially true if you often deal with ED or premature ejaculation.
Certain medical conditions and medications can lead to sexual dysfunctions, like the inability to maintain an erection. These include high blood pressure and medications, smoking, alcohol use, kidney problems, and beta-blockers. There are several different medical treatments available to men who have sexual dysfunction.
Once your doctor rules out health issues, you can approach performance anxiety by dealing with the issues of the mind. Here are a few ways to relieve the mental and physical symptoms of performance anxiety.
Sexual Performance Anxiety: Why We Get It And How It Can Be Overcome
In 30 seconds
What is sexual performance anxiety? Guys, we all get from time to time particularly when engaging in sexual activity with someone new. Often, it comes from a keen desire to ensure your partner is satisfied, and is usually nothing to worry about.However, there are other causes of performance anxiety too. From stress about work, relationships, or financial issues, to social anxiety or other difficulties with mental health, many things can have an effect on your sex life. Thats normal but we can all take steps to make sure sex is as relaxed as possible.This can include managing your anxiety with meditation, counselling, and therapy, or trying to reduce self-consciousness or stress hormones with exercising more or practising a healthier lifestyle. Talk about it too. If youre at the start of a new relationship particularly, being open with our feelings is key to a healthy sex life.
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Why Someone Might Have Sexual Anxiety
There are many reasons why someone might struggle with sexual anxiety, and it could be something that the person struggling with it doesn’t yet understand about themselves.
Below are some common reasons why someone might experience sexual anxiety:
- Body image issues: If someone is self-conscious about certain aspects of their body, it can be hard to feel confident with sexual partners, especially newer sexual partners.
- Sexual dysfunctions for either partner: While it can be difficult for partners experiencing sexual dysfunctions , it can also be hard for the partner that’s worried about the other person’s dysfunctions.
- Past sexual abuse:People who have experienced sexual abuse often have a difficult time thinking about sex in healthy ways, and it can take a while to take back their own image of what sex should look like for them.
- Relationship issues:This includes fighting, arguing, microaggressions, or just the general inability to be open and honest with your partner.
- Fear of intimacy: It can be hard for people with a fear of intimacy to trust others, which is a big component of good sexual experiences.
- Partner compatibility:If someone doesn’t feel comfortable or attracted to their partner, it can put a huge damper on their desire to have sex and increase their anxiety at the thought of it.
Reduce Distractions & Enjoy The Moment
General stress can be a major contributor to performance anxiety. Make sure to reduce distractions during your sexual encounters and set aside plenty of time to relax and enjoy each other. Go slowly and forget about everything else except the feeling of being fully present with your partner.
Notice what happens when you immerse yourself in sensations all over your body, not just your genitalia. Heightened awareness of all five senses and of subtle sensations can help to quiet a spinning mind and enhance full-bodied pleasure. You might also try focusing on your breathing by slowing down and extending your exhales, which can reduce anxiety and bring you back into your body.
There is no right way to have sex. Set aside cultural messages of what sex should look like and how different genders are expected to perform during sexual encounters. Let go of self-judgment about your physique. Dont worry about whether you have an erection or if youre sufficiently wet. Forget about the right moment or right way to have an orgasm and be present in the unique connection you are sharing with your partner instead.
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Performance Anxiety Type : Sexual Performance
The origins of sexual performance anxiety are a bit more obvious. This is a society that puts considerable pressure on how people perform in the bedroom, the size of their genitals, the need to please the partner, and so on. Combine this with inexperience, a bad sexual experience, or perceived trouble at finding sexual partners, and it is no surprise that some people develop performance anxiety in sexual situations.
How the performance anxiety manifests may differ. The most common ways include:
No matter the effects of anxiety, there is no denying that anxiety itself can create more anxiety. The more you are worried about your performance, the more your performance suffers, and the more you worry about performance in the future.
Male Performance Anxiety Solutions
Confidence and instinct are both controlled by the Freudian Id.
The same can be said with anxiety. Actual performance and anxiety are correlated, but its not set in stone. Like a teenage boy that thinks he is Gods gift to women, but can only do it for five minutes.
Men with sexual performance anxieties either do not have enough experience or women said bad things about him. All of that can change with single mind blowing experience. A healthy body is just the first step, not only will it make a person attractive to women, it does a lot in actual performance.
A modern woman will not hesitate to make the first move. However, they wont just sleep with anything with a pole. You have to be someone women want to sleep with. Take care of your appearance and everything will happen naturally. You can even arouse a long time partner if you make positive changes in your looks.
Its understandable to have performance anxiety with a new partner. A lot of men are not up to the challenge. Confidence can be faked, but thats easier said than done. That is why a healthy body and high sex drive can help. If the woman is desirable enough for you, instinct will take over.
With enough practice, any man can gain enough experience to have real confidence and overcome sexual performance anxiety.
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